BABY STEPS
The older I get the busier life seems and my “Purpose” gets cloudier. I have mentioned in previous posts that writing has been a calling my entire life and when I take the time to express my experiences on paper my reason for being surfaces. Having said that there shouldn’t be any clouds in front of my search of what brings me to life. But, here I am again attempting to climb a mountain with large reaches instead of the baby steps I know I should be taking.
I Awake every day with optimism, direction and intention but my lack of boundaries provides ample opportunity for detours to derail me. The energy I get from pleasing others consumes me until I realize through exhaustion that it is merely a false sense of self and leaves no room for me to be “Me”. I cannot blame anyone for my inability to stay focused for it is a learned behavior I adopted as a child to cope with daily life. It worked for many years and played a big part of my many wonderful life experiences but now it’s time for me to modify this technique and allow My voice to be heard. Bringing joy to others will always be a part of my make up but how I go about it needs some adjusting. During this lifetime of almost 57 years and being the youngest of 6 children and now the matriarch of A family of 8, there are many ways I can share or help others through my stories and writing. This way of reaching out will be a comfort to my unaging soul enveloped in this body. I love hearing about life through people of all ages for it always brings a sense of hope or nostalgia to my heart. Listening is my gift and for that I am grateful and treasure every second of it. This gift has brought me to life in my darkest moments and has been a teacher for me in recognizing so many of our God given blessings we are surrounded with.
Today I am taking Baby Steps and having shared this with you has once again replenished my sense of purpose. I am thankful for this opportunity to share my thoughts with others and I will continue to listen and learn through all that life brings my way, perhaps even from you!!
Assumptions
10/23/2018
To be a burden, annoyance or bother to any person is something I have never wanted. Knowing that this is how I’m being perceived hurts and makes me sad. At times I wish my life was more predictable but as my family grew from 2 to 8 members, children’s lives began to take on beautiful shapes with schedules of their own and with our dental practice quadrupling in size and responsibilities, I’ve had to learn to be flexible. This flexibility and attempt to make everyone in my circle of life happy occasionally comes back to haunt me. I’m aware that I can’t please all people but it gives me energy and happiness when I do. Another heartache is when assumptions are made about my actions. Just as I don’t know others daily life experiences and am not walking in their shoes, I yearn for others to reciprocate that awareness of my life before jumping to conclusions about what I do or say. I can say with conviction that my intentions are always good, it serves no one to do anything else. No one except for myself can see life thru my eyes and attempting to explain, describe or justify would take a lifetime. For it is through all my life experiences that I operate.
Changes are inevitable, they are a part of life. Its sometimes less difficult to become complacent but my journey has opened up my eyes to the beauty of embracing all that comes our way, good and not so good. Our expectations based on how things used to be can block the view of our own growth and positive opportunities that lie ahead. Peoples lives evolve and with each decade our perspectives are made from different angles due to our experiences and present moment situations. I love life and I choose to focus on what’s good. There have been numerous occasions when pain and suffering try to derail me but through faith and perseverance I manage to get back on the track. It’s the set backs that we learn the most from for they teach us to recognize what’s working and what’s not. If life fulfilled all our expectations our gratitude and empathy for others would be non-existent.
As autumn approaches I begin to take on a state of reflection and contemplation. I missed this season when I lived in the south. The changing colors, temperatures and energy symbolizes our life. Our bodies, minds, and environments are always growing and autumn reminds me of the impermanence of life and thus the importance of savoring what we have before its gone. As the Greek philosopher Heraclitus once said, “The only constant is change.” Although I’d have to argue with that just a bit……my Love for my children and husband will FOREVER remain strong and unchangeable. 
A Return to Peace
I believe it’s called a mental block but for me this has not been the case. The blog that I was so excited to start earlier this year fell into the back seat of a wreckless and unfocused vehicle. I lost direction but have regained it through my faith and rememberance of “Who” I am. The last 5 months have been a mixture of emotions that I had to experience in order to get to my present place of peace. I had forgotten that to express my thoughts and feelings through writing is to free myself of the heaviness of life experiences as well as to affirm my voice of purpose. At this moment I am filled with Gratitude for all that life has brought and excitement for what lies ahead. Thank You God for all my Blessings!
Mamas little Girl
Five boys and one girl, how blessed I am! My relationship with each one is special and unique. Raising boys has been quite exhilarating to say the least! I am grateful to have had the opportunity to see what it was like raising a girl as well. All my children have filled my life with joy beyond words and even the occasional heart aches manage to make us closer in different ways.
At present I am preparing for the celebration of my daughter’s high school graduation. I’ve known that this day would come when as my mom did for me, I too would give my little girl her wings and assure her that she always has strong roots within her family . I learned from my mother, to look to God for guidance and strength and to be loving, kind, understanding and authentic. These virtues are what I wrap around my princess and know that by the Grace of God she will brilliantly shine her beautiful lite as she goes out into the world.
I’ve told her many times that she has been the little girl that I wish i could have been. Her confidence and fearless approach to life has been exciting to witness as all of her brothers would presumably agree. 😉
For as long as I can remember she has turned to music and singing as a friend. It’s been her comfort and security most of her life and I’ve been reminded of that as i sift through her box of pictures and memories.
Soon she’ll be off on her journey of fascinating discoveries and I am confident that my precious daughter Ariana will continue to succeed in all that life presents. My love for her is endless and I pray that she always remembers that I am her #1 fan!!❤
Heaven on Earth
Can he hear me thinking about him?
Is he smiling because of a thought of us?
Does he get goose bumps when he fantasizes about who we are and who we’re becoming?
Life is grand with him in it, he lifts me up and strengthens me as I do him.
We’re destined to do great things during this journey of life.
We were incomplete until we found our other selves in each other.
Not being able to get thru much time without connecting with each other.
Always thinking of ways to spend with each other.
Laughing, crying, playing and working with each other.
“Our Heaven on Earth is with each other”
By Anna Ebeling 1st Anniversary, 1989
masks
To remove a mask it must first be recognized, therefore it must be defined.
A mask is fake
A mask is extra weight
A mask is irritating
A mask makes you sweat
A mask can suffocate
A mask muffles our words
A mask can be scary
A mask limits our vision
A mask is man made
We all have them tucked away in our closets, waiting to be worn at the right moment.
The time has come to declutter and simplify.
The masquerade has ended.
Together lets rid ourselves of these limiting masks.
“We are beautiful” and this is what we are asked to display! 😄
Anna Ebeling 1999
“who”
“Who” am I really?
I am complex yet simple
I am searching yet satisfied
I am happy yet sad
This is “what” I am, not ” who”
Why is finding the “who” so difficult?
My mind goes blank and my
stomach becomes a knot.
Do I “not” want to know me?
Who is “Me”?
Is the “Who” the “Me”?
So confusing and yet I will
search until I find
The” Who” is heaven sent
untouched, untainted and full of Love.
Where did “Who” go?
“Who” is here but is hidden behind “what”
and “what” begins to define the “I am”
“WHO” is honest, sincere, humble, meek, peaceful, kind, loving and gentle
This is Who I am, This is Who you are
Anna Ebeling 2000
Wisdom
It’s the ability to remain above all the obstacles that attempt to bring you down. Since life itself can sometimes feel like a magnetic force towards disbelief, pessimism and doubt, the connection to spirit is crucial. Throughout our lives our minds race around with unorganized priorities and we are easily convinced that all is hopeless. But the light at the end of the tunnel need not grow dim. Whether to the left or to the right, we can recognize goodness if we choose, it’s entirely up to us. We were made in the image of a God who only sees beauty and purity, therefore these are the lenses we too can look through.
Our humanness places us into situations that can appear as setbacks but in reality they are merely opportunities for us to become stronger in our faith and in believing without seeing. Each day that we are blessed with is a chance to not only see happiness but to be it for others. Why does this lesson surface later rather than sooner in life? “The teacher that we come into this world as, becomes a student of this earthly life, gaining insight, understanding, empathy and forgiveness. Within us these virtues strengthen with experience and then we are called to teach again”. This was my mom, my definition of wisdom.
Could not agree more 😊
Wealth Management
It may appear that I am completely ignorant when it comes to matters about investing but I shout out to all assuming this and say that you are misinformed !! I look at every moment of life as an investment offer. Whenever we choose to believe and have faith in anything we place our time, energy and desires into, are areas of our life that will grow with limitless profit margins!!! The wealth of love and gratitude that I am enveloped in, places me on the list of wealthiest women in the world! Now believe me, i sew what I reap! The amount of energy and emotion that is required to stay detached from the better opinions of others is exhausting to say the least. It would be less stressful to place $ in an acct to manage or hire a person to do so, than to be awake and conscious at all times to my thoughts, actions and words. The emotionless robotic state that our human bodies morph into become our identification tags, from without as from within. The happy free spirits we come into this world with have gotten lost in a chaotic world of titles and expectations.
An invaluable lesson has been to let go of always needing to be right in the eyes of others. The idea of wrong or right is merely an illusion so to argue about it would be senseless! From a place deeply seated in our essence is a core value of goodness and light but with life experiences they get clouded over.
So I challenge myself and you to set out on a search for this priceless treasure!😄